Wow! Michael Jackson, How lucky! He made millions upon millions of records and dollars. Even though when he left the planet he owed reportedly $400 million to debtors, he was Michael Jackson, easy come easy go. What would that feel like? What would it feel like to not have to worry? To know that even if you are deep in debt you are worth so much? One world tour, one big comeback and you're be back on top!
These were the thoughts running through my head as I chowed on pizza with my daughter Ruby last night at Homeslice Pizza in Austin. With each MJ song I heard I sank deeper and deeper into a loathesome funk of my smallness. Ruby danced around the tables and I carried my funk even deeper as I thought about how she has the opportunity to feel that same worth and be just as lucky because she has youth on her side.
Then that little voice inside my head said sarcastically, "oh yeah, she's soooo much worth it than you, so was MJ!" My little inside voice is a sexy Catherine Keener that gets to do whatever she wants whenever she wants. It seems her main job is keeping me in line through humor and sarcasm.
"Michael Jackson was worth so much," I thought about those words again and the 3D picture inside of my brain came into focus.
Worth starts with a feeling, not the other way around. My evidence for that is the fact that no amount of money in the world could keep MJ out of debt. Sitting right there in that pizza joint watching my daughter moving the crowd with her sweet joy I opened to the feeling of worth. Worth, along with faith had been right there all the time, waiting for me to open to them...just like MJ's music had been in a loop, waiting for me to dance.
Showing posts with label worth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worth. Show all posts
Friday, June 26
Wednesday, May 20
The Evidence of Things Not Seen
David Elliott, in a recent series of blogs on his reluctanthealer.com blog, eloquently pieced together the unseen world of worth and exchange with a poignant metaphor. He says (and I paraphrase), "My job is to be awake. My employer is the Universe/Spirit/God who makes direct deposits of grace through spiritual energy. The currency Spirit uses is grace. The benefits in my job are compensation and health." He also says, "The ATM is your heart; open your heart and ask it for guidance."
I began to look more closely at my relationship with exchange a couple of weeks ago when I first heard David say, "The Universe is your employer. How are you going to show up?" Those words nearly shot me out of my seat. It was all the evidence I needed to honestly look at my relationship with exchange. I had no idea at that moment that the Yellow Brick Road would connect my relationship with exchange directly to my relationship with faith.
I have been the estranged mother who checks in with my daughter, Faith, as little as possible -- knowing that she is fine without me. Knowing she is doing better than I, that she gets what she wants and she does it with such freedom that I wonder if we still have anything at all in common.
When I catch myself from that downward spiral of fear and despair I remember what Faith and I do share in common -- our similarities lie in the realm of spirit. "The evidence of things not seen" has always eluded me. I want visuals! I want garden fairies glittering in the twilight. I want a cryogenic Walt Disney to art direct my life.
Maybe I don't need him after all. I realize that there IS a place where I can see and FEEL the evidence of things not seen. It's in my self-worth. When I measure my worth against others it feels sticky and slow - like taffy. By trusting and strengthening my intuition and staying awake on the job, the spiral changes directions. It moves up and out -- expanding into the ever growing network of healing. The lenses of my eyes are cleaned by Faith, my loving daughter who forever sees my truth and my true worth.
I began to look more closely at my relationship with exchange a couple of weeks ago when I first heard David say, "The Universe is your employer. How are you going to show up?" Those words nearly shot me out of my seat. It was all the evidence I needed to honestly look at my relationship with exchange. I had no idea at that moment that the Yellow Brick Road would connect my relationship with exchange directly to my relationship with faith.
I have been the estranged mother who checks in with my daughter, Faith, as little as possible -- knowing that she is fine without me. Knowing she is doing better than I, that she gets what she wants and she does it with such freedom that I wonder if we still have anything at all in common.
When I catch myself from that downward spiral of fear and despair I remember what Faith and I do share in common -- our similarities lie in the realm of spirit. "The evidence of things not seen" has always eluded me. I want visuals! I want garden fairies glittering in the twilight. I want a cryogenic Walt Disney to art direct my life.
Maybe I don't need him after all. I realize that there IS a place where I can see and FEEL the evidence of things not seen. It's in my self-worth. When I measure my worth against others it feels sticky and slow - like taffy. By trusting and strengthening my intuition and staying awake on the job, the spiral changes directions. It moves up and out -- expanding into the ever growing network of healing. The lenses of my eyes are cleaned by Faith, my loving daughter who forever sees my truth and my true worth.
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