Monday, May 25

Awakening with Confidence

It's a beautiful New Mexico morning. Morning Star Venus woke me up this morning, no really, she shined so bright in my window this morning that I had to open my eyes to see what light burst into the room. I awoke to a midnight blue sky fading into early morning. When I walked outside the birds, wow, loud and strong, so many different voices. I kept walking. Soaking up their vibrancy for life at such a young hour of the day.

The momma raven is so busy this weekend. She flies into the tree and out of the tree and skims by the window on her way. She is teaching me tenacity and the truth and focus of being a mother. Of doing your job with fire and strength. Of exchanging love and focus with the work at hand. Her work with her chicks this spring is almost done. If you look high up in the pinon tree you can see them, three, maybe four, flapping their wings, gathering the confidence to take flight.

Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. The word itself connotes flying high, strength, truth, not looking back in a way that will take you into a downward spiral. Julie Andrews just popped into my head -- the song she sings in "The Sound of Music," as she carries her guitar down a tree lined lane walking with her head up high, swinging her guitar -- convincing herself at every step that she is worth it that she can handle the job at hand that she has been called to do. This image helps me to see that confidence is not something that can be planned out in the brain. You cannot convince yourself that you are confident. It's got to come through in choices and actions, and as my friend Scott just pointed out, being consistent with them. There's a moment in the movie when J.A. gets to wrought iron gate and sees the mansion and the music stops. For a moment she gasps out of fear, out of the task at hand, whatever it is, it takes her out of the moment. As soon as she starts singing again, "I have confidence..." she slowly pulls herself back enough into the present to remember that to experience the confidence she must move through the gate.

Movement, flow, water, that's what it takes to build confidence. I mention water because it is the world of emotion. If emotions are stuck and are holding us back, you know the really yummy ones? I do. Fear. Lack of confidence.Blah.Blah.Blah. The list goes on and on, confidence will be placed in the bin of procrastination. At this point exchange becomes very important. Replace the negative thoughts with love, humor, laughter, joy, the list goes on. The more I practice exchange in this way the more beautiful, expansive words come up. The more I realize that my thoughts are my choices and I strengthen with every exchange, through love, that part of my mind that has to figure everything out. Exchange. Exchange. Exchange.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that the raven is lucky because she doesn't have to deal with a mind ruled by logic that wants to use the blocks to convince herself she's not good enough. Then I remember that as a member of the food chain Ms. Raven has many more problems than I. There's a conundrum here I just realized that has to do with the raven as a member of said food chain that has to live day to day watching her back -- dare I say, in survival mode. Yet as I watch her do her job with consistency -- bringing her chicks food, watching out for them from treetop perches -- I connect to her power and --when I breathe into it -- can feel how spirit flows through her. She is connected to nature, to the universe in a way that is the very nature of thriving. The chicks have the same innate survival skills ready in the wake and with practice, consistency, they will fly into the oneness with the rhythm of life.

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